Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch, like me.
I once was lost but now I'm found.
Was blind but now I see.

John Newton


In May 1996, my mom passed away. Her body could no longer sustain her in this life so her soul escaped to a new life in Heaven. My sister, father and I were left with a gaping hole in our hearts...a void so large, it was hard to breathe, much less plan a wedding. Which was exactly what we were doing when the doctors told us there was no hope of her getting well. After her death, life marched on. The sun kept rising and setting. The world continued to turn, but I was lost.

During the five month stretch to my wedding in October, "change" should have been my middle name. I grieved the loss of my mother. I moved to Charleston away from my family. I accepted a new teaching job. I started a new life with John. Whew!  To make matters worse, I recieved word from home about Daddy. He was also lost and needed me.

Because of this, John and I decided a few weeks before the wedding to move back home. So I resigned from my job, packed up my apartment, and finalized the details of my "big" day. I have NEVER felt more alone.

The Thursday before the wedding, John and I loaded everything we owned into a U-Haul. He needed to run a few errands so we decided to meet in Summerville for lunch before heading down the interstate. As I pulled out of the apartment complex with fresh tears streaming down my face, I realized I wouldn't have another time to buy wrapping paper for my bridesmaids' gifts. What a trivial thing to think of in the midst of a life-altering moment!

Party City happened to be across the street so I pulled in. After deciding on the paper and ribbon, I made my way to the checkout. Standing there waiting for the long line of people ahead of me to make their purchases, I thought about how I looked and felt like a homeless person instead of the glowing bride I was supposed to be. I just wanted it all to be over. I was excited to be marrying John because he was my true love and soulmate, but I was NOT excited about facing the day without my mom.

As my mind jumped back to the present moment, I realized I was the only customer left in the front of the store. The cashier scanned my items and asked how I was doing. I replied, "I'm fine." But in my mind, I was thinking..."I am so lost." She looked me directly in the eyes and said, "You're getting married, aren't you?" Believe me, my baseball cap, sweatshirt and jeans weren't giving her any clues. I stammered, "Yes, I am." She said, "God told me you were." Having said that, she walked around the cash register and grabbed me. While giving me a huge hug, she whispered, "He said you needed this. He also told me to tell you everything is going to be all right. He told me to tell you she is all right."

I was lost but in that moment, I was found.

From those precious seconds with God's messenger, I found peace. From the kisses of a butterfly after the ceremony, I saw a sign of God's presence. My eyes were opened and I would never be the same.

God's grace is amazing, especially to a sinner like me. I have been lost and I have been blind, but what matters most is He found me and now I see.