I've wanted to write about this experience on this blog for a while now, but every time I had a spare moment or two, I put it off. Believe me, I have a million stories to share. It's just something about this one that is driving me to tell it yet I'm resisting. I recognize why...it's so painful. When your heart is slashed open, the grieving process is long and difficult. The tiny stitches of healing work their way across the wound ever so surely but ever so slowly. In the back closet of my mind, a part of me fears picking at those stitches. God must need me to share in order to help someone else because he will not let me off the hook.
It is good, Lord!
If my tears dry another person's tears,
If my pain mends another's heart,
If my hand that was turned away comforts someone down the road,
If the words of MY story bring others to you, Lord,
Then it is good.*
*I wrote this poem in my journal in July 2007 after reading a devotion my cousin sent me.
Well, here it is...
The team of doctors treating my mom back in 1996 threw in the towel. They could do nothing more for her. The hospital administrators and her team decided she should be moved to the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston. Her health was rapidly deteriorating. This move gave us hope. Maybe a specialist there could help her. I pulled behind the ambulance as they readied her for transport. Struggling to breathe even with oxygen, she lifted herself up on the stretcher and scanned frantically for my familiar face. "I'm here, Mama. I won't leave you" are the words I spoke to the air. My dad and sister rushed home to pack a bag. I was to follow the ambulance since I lived nearby. Relief washed over her face when she saw me. Our eyes locked and she reclined on the stretcher. Having been told we could not ride in the ambulance with her because of the liability, I waited numbly for my next instructions. After locking the back door tight, the ambulance driver leaned into my window and said, "We'll be traveling pretty fast with the lights on and we're supposed to tell you, we're not responsible for your traffic tickets."
And we were off. Like Scout Finch said in To Kill a Mockingbird..."Thus began our longest journey together."
(If you ever want to know what "helpless" and "fear" feel like, follow an ambulance with someone you love in it for two hours.)
After days and days of tests, my mom's new team of doctors still were unable to figure out what was causing her lungs to harden so quickly. The chronic illness she was diagnosed with a few months prior was suspect, but they were dumbfounded as to why. They needed to do a lung biopsy in order to find out but this was risky. She would be put on a ventilator during the procedure and the doctors told us it was a huge chance she wouldn't be able to be taken off after the procedure because of the condition of her lungs. We held a family meeting in her hospital room. We all agreed this was her last hope and her only option. Little did we know then, there was no hope.
The doctors tried to prepare us for "the worst" and "the worst" indeed happened. She never breathed again without the ventilator. Our days became all about waiting for ten minutes until the next hour when the ICU allowed us to sit by her bed, stroke her hair and talk to her even though she was no longer able to talk to us. Or so we thought.
During one afternoon visit, my sister and I noticed tears streaming from her eyes as we talked to her. When we asked her nurse about this, she assured us that Mama was too drugged to be coherent and the water coming from her closed eyes must be a reaction to some eye lubricant they had administered. As the door shut behind her, Daf and I questioned her theory. The "water" coming out of her eyes would stop and start as we talked to her. Finally one of us...I don't remember who...asked her, "Mama, can you hear us?" Upon hearing this question, she raised her eyebrows furiously up and down.
"Are you in pain?" No response.
"Are you sad?" Eyebrows up and down
My sister and I shook our heads in disbelief. Then I knew what it was. Something just told me.
"Are you worried about us?" Eyebrows up and down over and over and over.
My precious mama was hooked up to a million tubes with a machine breathing for her yet she was worried about us. Now that I'm a mother, I GET IT!
Red, I understand now.
We kept asking her questions until our visit was over. Our hearts were breaking but we were so thankful for that time spent communicating with her. She seemed so far away even then.
The next day the doctors gave us "the talk." There was nothing more they could do. There was no cure. There was no hope. They would make her comfortable. To make matters worse, they still didn't really know what was happening. The only thing they DID know was she was dying. After hearing this, my dad looked at one of the doctors and asked, "When can we take her home?" I remember looking at him like he was an idiot. Take her home? Had he NOT heard what the doctors said? Now I know about the denial he was going through but at the time, it made me angry. He was supposed to take care of "things" and lead us on this path. At that moment, I knew I would have to take charge. Mama and I had briefly talked about this before her procedure but I hadn't wanted to deal with it so I hushed her. She told me that I was a "Steel Magnolia" and I would have to be the strong one. She also told me she wanted me to have, as a wedding present, the painting she had just finished a few months earlier of a magnolia. Oh, to go back to those precious moments. I would give anything.
That same afternoon after her grim prognosis during one of our visits, I noticed the TV in Mama's room being on. It had never been on before. Celine Dion's hit song/video, "Because You Loved Me," was playing. The significant nature of this song was NOT lost on me nor on my sister. (It took us at least a year before we could even talk about it together.) Sitting there on either side of Red, we cried buckets of tears while listening to this song.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me.
How prophetic and true. I AM EVERYTHING I AM because she loved me.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
10 Random Products/Things I LOVE
This is a regular person's list (me) of "stuff" I love to do, ingest, use, etc. By no means do I consider myself an authority on anything. I simply wanted to share.
1. Menchie's Frozen Yogurt- Where do I begin? I am currently obsessed with this wonderful place and their glorious products. On any given day they offer 12 or more different flavors such as angel food cake, coffee, red velvet, vanilla, chocolate, tart, seasonal fruits, cookies and cream, NY cheesecake, etc. You may sample ANY or ALL of these flavors for free. It's self-serve so you can fill your cup with as many flavors as you wish and as many toppings as you wish. Did I mention toppings? There is an entire bar...self-serve, again...with nothing but goodies and sauces to sprinkle over your yogurt. Anything your heart may desire in the topping realm is available. My favorite of the moment is angel food cake/coffee swirl with almonds, granola, yogurt chips and fresh strawberries. My son loves chocolate with M&M's, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, granola, Heath Bar, fresh strawberries and chocolate sauce. YUM! Almost forgot...they weigh your cup of goodness to determine the price and believe me, it is cheap! Our family of three usually gets out of there for under $10. Now that's SWEET!
2. L'Oreal's Double Extend Beauty Tube Mascara- I stumbled upon this drugstore find after using another tube mascara for years. As a result of insomnia one night, I signed up for and ordered Leeza Gibbon's makeup line, Sheer Cover. In my sleep deprived haze, I consented to having my credit card charged every three months for a year in order to have a full makeup kit dropped at my door. I hated everything in the kit EXCEPT the mascara. The mascara was the "new" tube technology where it goes around each lash like a tube and fortunately comes off while cleansing like one, too. When my year ended with Leeza, I surely cancelled my standing order, but I didn't know what to do about my favorite mascara. Off I went to Target to check out the scene. This is when I found L'Oreal's Double Extend Mascara! I love it. There are two steps involved. One end is the lash primer which goes on white. This step helps the mascara stick to your lashes and it helps in the removing process. The other end is the mascara. Try it. It will make a believer out of you. It's also CHEAP. I would much rather pay $10 than $30 for something I'm supposed to replace every 3 months. That's $80 a year I can save which helps with my shoe obsession.
3. Peace Love and Hip-Hop- This movement was created by my dear friend and inspiration, Angel Roberts. Her mission is to bring hip-hop dance to the masses. She has danced since she could walk, but she is also a certified fitness guru. This Wonder Woman/Queen of Cool has done it all or shall I say...does it all...hip-hop teacher to adults and kids, interior designer, stylist, Crossfit trainer, retail expert, etc. Her classes are THE BEST WORKOUT I HAVE EVER HAD. Yes, I know I'm yelling, but there is no other way to express my utter devotion. Angel offers classes Monday-Thursday in different venues around Charleston each night. She combines stretching, Crossfit exercises, a kick-ass hip-hop dance routine and yoga. If you've danced all your life or you've never danced at all, Angel breaks the steps down in manageable chunks while she teaches. It is life-altering good. The women there have become like sisters to me. We cheer each other on and pump one another up. There is definitely peace, love and hip-hop going on! I leave sweaty and tired but I leave grinning from ear-to-ear. For more information visit, http://www.peacelovehiphop.com/.
4. Dr. Teal's Epsom Salt Soaking Solution-Sleep/Lavender-I think listing this product is pretty apropos after talking about hip-hop. Ha This 3 pound bag of goodness is just plain magic. After my workout, I retreat to a hot bath with these salts poured in. First of all, it smells just heavenly. The essential oil, lavender, has always been known for its relaxing qualities. Epsom salt is magnesium sulfate which is the second most adundant element in human cells. It is easily absorbed through the skin which makes soaking in it a great thing to do. Doctors and researchers suggest these health benefits from having the proper magnesium and sulfate levels: improved heart and circulatory health, flushed toxins and metals from the cells, reduced inflammation to relieve muscle pain and serotonin levels are elevated by the magnesium which reduces stress. If all of that wasn't enough reason to use this wonderful stuff, the $5 price tag is. Sprinkle two cups in your bath and reap the benefits!
5. OPI's Axxium Soak-Off Gel Lacquers- My manicurist, Carmen, tried to get me to let her use this product the last time I was in. I didn't know anything about it so I was skeptical. Then I open up one of my favorite magazines, Real Simple, and I read an article about great beauty ideas that save time and money. A gel manicure/pedicure was one of the featured items. The bottom line is your mani/pedi stays perfectly intact for up to 14 days. Ding! Ding! We have a winner. In my house, I wear many hats and the hat that messes with my beautifully manicured nails the most is the cleaning lady/cook hat. Scrubbing sinks, washing dishes and chopping vegetables isn't conducive sometimes to being a perfectly groomed diva...even though I try and pull it off! Running shoes also wreak havoc on my polished toes. As far as I'm concerned, this is a problem SOLVED!
6. Boar's Head Roasted Chicken- I have been a fan of Boar's Head Cracked Pepper Turkey and Boar's Head Honey Maple Ham for many years. A sandwich made with one of these deli meats is a piece of heaven, BUT now my heart belongs to their roasted chicken. My favorite lunch lately has been a Mission jalapeno/cheddar tortilla wrap slathered with spicy roasted red pepper hummus. I sprinkle a large handful of arugula and some diced avocado or some diced tomatoes or both on top. The Boar's Head Roasted Chicken goes on last. I roll up, slice and eat! The possibilities are endless with this wrap. It is smack-somebody delicious!
7. Fruit of the Earth Vitamin E Lotion- My sister-in-law, Lindsey turned me on to this product. The smell is fresh but not overpowering. The formula is not greasy but it conditions my dry winter skin just perfectly. Because it seems I am constantly slathering my snake-like scaly appendages and torso with lotion, the best thing about this product is the price. Walgreens and Wal-Mart carry it, but the Dollar General has the greatest deal. I get two 16 ounce bottles for $3.
8. The Script- I LOVE all music! Many of you know this already. My first love is and always will be R&B! Let's just get that out of the way. :) But lately when I'm being a domestic goddess with a list of chores or when I'm sitting on my porch at Edisto with a cocktail, I've been playing The Script on my iPod. They are an Irish trio whose music has been described as "Celtic Soul." (No wonder I love it.) The lead singer's voice has that cool cat/smokes-a-cigarette raspy/sexy vibe. Their songs have a soulful groove that scream chill-axing. Their self-titled first album came out in March 2009. "Break Even" and "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" are my favorites, but the other songs are beast! "Science and Faith," their second album was just released January 11th. "For the First Time" is a single from that album that I love. You will LOVE them. They aren't bad on the eyes either! Ha
9. The Butterfly's Daughter by Mary Alice Monroe- I could write an entire blog about my love for Mary Alice Monroe, but I will try to be brief. My sister was the first person to tell me about her awesome books. I am a nonfiction lover so reading her books was new territory. Let's just say, it changed my life. The Beach House and Swimming Lessons started me on a journey of loggerhead turtle volunteering and a journey of self-discovery. This summer will be my fourth summer doing this. I was lucky to meet Mary Alice a few years back...that is an INCREDIBLE story which I will save for another time...when she shared with me the title and storyline of her new book set to be released in May. The title and its connection to my story is wild enough, but to read an excerpt on Mary Alice's blog, freaked me out with all the similarities. An orange VW bug, four women on a journey, monarch butterflies and their migration, and a burial are just a few things I connect with so far...and it hasn't even been released yet! I can't tell you how excited I am!!!!!!!!! Another sign from God!!!!!!!
10. Water mixed with Northland Cranberry Juice/Lime wedge- My new favorite way to choke down my daily water! I've never liked the taste of water nor do I feel like it quenches my thirst. Since January like every other fool, I've been trying to make healthy choices with food and drink. I have even tried to cut out my one time a day soda fix and that's how I came up with this little jewel. Last year I read in my Whole Living magazine (Thanks, Annie!) how cranberry juice is a wonderful antioxidant, can help prevent stomach viruses...WAIT. STOP. I didn't need to read another thing. Vomiting is one thing I loathe and fear most!!!! Since Northland products are 100% juice with no sugar added, I felt like I was killing two birds with one stone.
1. Menchie's Frozen Yogurt- Where do I begin? I am currently obsessed with this wonderful place and their glorious products. On any given day they offer 12 or more different flavors such as angel food cake, coffee, red velvet, vanilla, chocolate, tart, seasonal fruits, cookies and cream, NY cheesecake, etc. You may sample ANY or ALL of these flavors for free. It's self-serve so you can fill your cup with as many flavors as you wish and as many toppings as you wish. Did I mention toppings? There is an entire bar...self-serve, again...with nothing but goodies and sauces to sprinkle over your yogurt. Anything your heart may desire in the topping realm is available. My favorite of the moment is angel food cake/coffee swirl with almonds, granola, yogurt chips and fresh strawberries. My son loves chocolate with M&M's, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, granola, Heath Bar, fresh strawberries and chocolate sauce. YUM! Almost forgot...they weigh your cup of goodness to determine the price and believe me, it is cheap! Our family of three usually gets out of there for under $10. Now that's SWEET!
2. L'Oreal's Double Extend Beauty Tube Mascara- I stumbled upon this drugstore find after using another tube mascara for years. As a result of insomnia one night, I signed up for and ordered Leeza Gibbon's makeup line, Sheer Cover. In my sleep deprived haze, I consented to having my credit card charged every three months for a year in order to have a full makeup kit dropped at my door. I hated everything in the kit EXCEPT the mascara. The mascara was the "new" tube technology where it goes around each lash like a tube and fortunately comes off while cleansing like one, too. When my year ended with Leeza, I surely cancelled my standing order, but I didn't know what to do about my favorite mascara. Off I went to Target to check out the scene. This is when I found L'Oreal's Double Extend Mascara! I love it. There are two steps involved. One end is the lash primer which goes on white. This step helps the mascara stick to your lashes and it helps in the removing process. The other end is the mascara. Try it. It will make a believer out of you. It's also CHEAP. I would much rather pay $10 than $30 for something I'm supposed to replace every 3 months. That's $80 a year I can save which helps with my shoe obsession.
3. Peace Love and Hip-Hop- This movement was created by my dear friend and inspiration, Angel Roberts. Her mission is to bring hip-hop dance to the masses. She has danced since she could walk, but she is also a certified fitness guru. This Wonder Woman/Queen of Cool has done it all or shall I say...does it all...hip-hop teacher to adults and kids, interior designer, stylist, Crossfit trainer, retail expert, etc. Her classes are THE BEST WORKOUT I HAVE EVER HAD. Yes, I know I'm yelling, but there is no other way to express my utter devotion. Angel offers classes Monday-Thursday in different venues around Charleston each night. She combines stretching, Crossfit exercises, a kick-ass hip-hop dance routine and yoga. If you've danced all your life or you've never danced at all, Angel breaks the steps down in manageable chunks while she teaches. It is life-altering good. The women there have become like sisters to me. We cheer each other on and pump one another up. There is definitely peace, love and hip-hop going on! I leave sweaty and tired but I leave grinning from ear-to-ear. For more information visit, http://www.peacelovehiphop.com/.
4. Dr. Teal's Epsom Salt Soaking Solution-Sleep/Lavender-I think listing this product is pretty apropos after talking about hip-hop. Ha This 3 pound bag of goodness is just plain magic. After my workout, I retreat to a hot bath with these salts poured in. First of all, it smells just heavenly. The essential oil, lavender, has always been known for its relaxing qualities. Epsom salt is magnesium sulfate which is the second most adundant element in human cells. It is easily absorbed through the skin which makes soaking in it a great thing to do. Doctors and researchers suggest these health benefits from having the proper magnesium and sulfate levels: improved heart and circulatory health, flushed toxins and metals from the cells, reduced inflammation to relieve muscle pain and serotonin levels are elevated by the magnesium which reduces stress. If all of that wasn't enough reason to use this wonderful stuff, the $5 price tag is. Sprinkle two cups in your bath and reap the benefits!
5. OPI's Axxium Soak-Off Gel Lacquers- My manicurist, Carmen, tried to get me to let her use this product the last time I was in. I didn't know anything about it so I was skeptical. Then I open up one of my favorite magazines, Real Simple, and I read an article about great beauty ideas that save time and money. A gel manicure/pedicure was one of the featured items. The bottom line is your mani/pedi stays perfectly intact for up to 14 days. Ding! Ding! We have a winner. In my house, I wear many hats and the hat that messes with my beautifully manicured nails the most is the cleaning lady/cook hat. Scrubbing sinks, washing dishes and chopping vegetables isn't conducive sometimes to being a perfectly groomed diva...even though I try and pull it off! Running shoes also wreak havoc on my polished toes. As far as I'm concerned, this is a problem SOLVED!
6. Boar's Head Roasted Chicken- I have been a fan of Boar's Head Cracked Pepper Turkey and Boar's Head Honey Maple Ham for many years. A sandwich made with one of these deli meats is a piece of heaven, BUT now my heart belongs to their roasted chicken. My favorite lunch lately has been a Mission jalapeno/cheddar tortilla wrap slathered with spicy roasted red pepper hummus. I sprinkle a large handful of arugula and some diced avocado or some diced tomatoes or both on top. The Boar's Head Roasted Chicken goes on last. I roll up, slice and eat! The possibilities are endless with this wrap. It is smack-somebody delicious!
7. Fruit of the Earth Vitamin E Lotion- My sister-in-law, Lindsey turned me on to this product. The smell is fresh but not overpowering. The formula is not greasy but it conditions my dry winter skin just perfectly. Because it seems I am constantly slathering my snake-like scaly appendages and torso with lotion, the best thing about this product is the price. Walgreens and Wal-Mart carry it, but the Dollar General has the greatest deal. I get two 16 ounce bottles for $3.
8. The Script- I LOVE all music! Many of you know this already. My first love is and always will be R&B! Let's just get that out of the way. :) But lately when I'm being a domestic goddess with a list of chores or when I'm sitting on my porch at Edisto with a cocktail, I've been playing The Script on my iPod. They are an Irish trio whose music has been described as "Celtic Soul." (No wonder I love it.) The lead singer's voice has that cool cat/smokes-a-cigarette raspy/sexy vibe. Their songs have a soulful groove that scream chill-axing. Their self-titled first album came out in March 2009. "Break Even" and "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" are my favorites, but the other songs are beast! "Science and Faith," their second album was just released January 11th. "For the First Time" is a single from that album that I love. You will LOVE them. They aren't bad on the eyes either! Ha
9. The Butterfly's Daughter by Mary Alice Monroe- I could write an entire blog about my love for Mary Alice Monroe, but I will try to be brief. My sister was the first person to tell me about her awesome books. I am a nonfiction lover so reading her books was new territory. Let's just say, it changed my life. The Beach House and Swimming Lessons started me on a journey of loggerhead turtle volunteering and a journey of self-discovery. This summer will be my fourth summer doing this. I was lucky to meet Mary Alice a few years back...that is an INCREDIBLE story which I will save for another time...when she shared with me the title and storyline of her new book set to be released in May. The title and its connection to my story is wild enough, but to read an excerpt on Mary Alice's blog, freaked me out with all the similarities. An orange VW bug, four women on a journey, monarch butterflies and their migration, and a burial are just a few things I connect with so far...and it hasn't even been released yet! I can't tell you how excited I am!!!!!!!!! Another sign from God!!!!!!!
10. Water mixed with Northland Cranberry Juice/Lime wedge- My new favorite way to choke down my daily water! I've never liked the taste of water nor do I feel like it quenches my thirst. Since January like every other fool, I've been trying to make healthy choices with food and drink. I have even tried to cut out my one time a day soda fix and that's how I came up with this little jewel. Last year I read in my Whole Living magazine (Thanks, Annie!) how cranberry juice is a wonderful antioxidant, can help prevent stomach viruses...WAIT. STOP. I didn't need to read another thing. Vomiting is one thing I loathe and fear most!!!! Since Northland products are 100% juice with no sugar added, I felt like I was killing two birds with one stone.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Darth Vadar/VW commercial/Poem
The precious VW commercial with the minature Darth Vadar brought back so many memories...memories of Miller and his imagination. Mind you, he was never into Star Wars but he was definitely into Spiderman, Buzz Lightyear, Batman, Woody, etc. The way the little boy in the ad totally BELIEVES with his whole heart he IS Darth Vadar made me laugh and cry. That could have been Miller eight or nine years ago. Bittersweet.
The words, sights, smells and feelings come rushing back to this mom...
Miller walked up to me at the tender age of five in full Spiderman costume with every bit of seriousness and said, "Mom, I think I'm Peter Parker."
I asked, " Why do you say that?"
Without a smile, he said, "Because I've been sticking to things."
"Well, maybe you are," I told him. He slid against the wall to prove his point. I had to hide my face so he wouldn't see me cracking up. Priceless!
Now my boy is almost grown. I can't believe how fast the time has flown by. I cry about it sometimes because 18 years isn't long enough. I realize I will always be his mom, but the small window of time I have to be around him all day every day and experience life through his eyes is closing in. He is officially a preteen, actually only a few months away from being a full-fledged teenager. Just typing that made my stomach churn. Ugh! That boundless wonder and unending imagination isn't the current event anymore. It's still there, but I only catch glimpses of it. That wonder and imagination have been replaced with algebra, book reports, hanging with friends, sports and girl drama. His school assignments rarely bring out that wild-eyed enthusiasm where the creative juices flow so rapidly. It's no one's fault. It is what it is. Growing up does that to a person.
But...
Just when I think my "little" boy with the powerful imagination has vaporized into thin air forever and a "big" boy full of hormones with mush for brains is left, I see a small beam of light in the darkness of the movie theater. Onscreen Harry Potter, with arm extended and wand in hand, is putting a spell on some dark force. Beside me, my own Harry Potter is casting the same spell with his toy wand that he obviously had hidden in his jacket. We exchange no words. My heart smiles and I breathe a happy sigh of relief...for now.
My Son Has Always Seen Me
My son has always seen me
As Superwoman
Protecting him from the evils
Of monsters under the bed
And holding his hand when he has
A bad dream.
But he doesn not know
That I'm scared of the darkness
Freaking out about every weird sound
And waking up his dad to ask
"What was that?"
He will never know
That I check all the closets
And behind the shower curtain
For axe murderers and
Serial killers.
One day I will tell him
That I am only brave
When it comes to him
For him I would battle
Fire-breathing dragons and
An axe murderer or two
My love for him
Is stronger than anything.
*I wrote this poem as a model for my students long ago. It is based on a poem in a literature book I taught from. Getting students to write free verse poetry is easier if they have something to go by at first.
The words, sights, smells and feelings come rushing back to this mom...
Miller walked up to me at the tender age of five in full Spiderman costume with every bit of seriousness and said, "Mom, I think I'm Peter Parker."
I asked, " Why do you say that?"
Without a smile, he said, "Because I've been sticking to things."
"Well, maybe you are," I told him. He slid against the wall to prove his point. I had to hide my face so he wouldn't see me cracking up. Priceless!
Now my boy is almost grown. I can't believe how fast the time has flown by. I cry about it sometimes because 18 years isn't long enough. I realize I will always be his mom, but the small window of time I have to be around him all day every day and experience life through his eyes is closing in. He is officially a preteen, actually only a few months away from being a full-fledged teenager. Just typing that made my stomach churn. Ugh! That boundless wonder and unending imagination isn't the current event anymore. It's still there, but I only catch glimpses of it. That wonder and imagination have been replaced with algebra, book reports, hanging with friends, sports and girl drama. His school assignments rarely bring out that wild-eyed enthusiasm where the creative juices flow so rapidly. It's no one's fault. It is what it is. Growing up does that to a person.
But...
Just when I think my "little" boy with the powerful imagination has vaporized into thin air forever and a "big" boy full of hormones with mush for brains is left, I see a small beam of light in the darkness of the movie theater. Onscreen Harry Potter, with arm extended and wand in hand, is putting a spell on some dark force. Beside me, my own Harry Potter is casting the same spell with his toy wand that he obviously had hidden in his jacket. We exchange no words. My heart smiles and I breathe a happy sigh of relief...for now.
My Son Has Always Seen Me
My son has always seen me
As Superwoman
Protecting him from the evils
Of monsters under the bed
And holding his hand when he has
A bad dream.
But he doesn not know
That I'm scared of the darkness
Freaking out about every weird sound
And waking up his dad to ask
"What was that?"
He will never know
That I check all the closets
And behind the shower curtain
For axe murderers and
Serial killers.
One day I will tell him
That I am only brave
When it comes to him
For him I would battle
Fire-breathing dragons and
An axe murderer or two
My love for him
Is stronger than anything.
*I wrote this poem as a model for my students long ago. It is based on a poem in a literature book I taught from. Getting students to write free verse poetry is easier if they have something to go by at first.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My Life As a Playlist (The High School Years)
P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing) Michael Jackson
Thriller Michael Jackson
Freakshow on the Dance Floor The Barkays
Swoop (I'm Yours) Dazz Band
September Earth Wind and Fire
Truly Lionel Richie
Night Time is the Right Time Ray Charles
Burn Rubber The Gap Band
I'm So Excited The Pointer Sisters
You're the Inspiration Chicago
We Are the World Quincy Jones
Super Freak Rick James
Purple Rain Prince
No Parking on the Dance Floor Midnight Star
Jungle Love Morris Day and the Time
Mr. Telephone Man New Edition
Jam On It Newcleus
She's a Bad Mama Jama Carl Carlton
Shackles on My Feet RJ's Latest Arrival
Call Me Skyy
Greatest Love Affair Jeffrey Osborne
Oh Sheila Ready for the World
867-5309 Tommy Tutone
Time Warp The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Mony Mony Billy Idol
P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing) and Thriller- Asking me to choose a Michael Jackson song is like asking me to eat only one potato chip or french fry. It's cruel and inhuman...but I didn't want this entire playlist to be about the Michael Jackson "Thriller" album. Truthfully, it could be because I had it spinning constantly on my turntable for years. The "Thriller" video captivated our entire nation. My mom taped it on our VCR...remember those? I vividly remember "moonwalking" and imitating the Gloved One's fancy footwork. Kids at school wore gloves in his honor right along with their parachute pants. I bought earrings from the mall to show my devotion. One earring was a diamelle stud (very classy) and the other...drumroll...a white glove covered in diamelles that dangled to my shoulder. Just call me a P.Y.T!
Freakshow On the Dance Floor- My first boyfriend in high school was four years older than me. My parents loved him but in their infinite wisdom, they refused to let me go out on actual dates with him or anyone for that matter until I was 15. At the time of our "romance" I was a young 14. He was allowed to come over to hang out at our house plus he was able to drive me home from our community ballfield. BIG WHOOP! It was 500 yards from my driveway. Anyhoo...he asked me to the Barkay's concert, but of course, I couldn't go. He bought me a t-shirt. As the saying goes... My boyfriend went to the Barkay's concert and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Swoop (I'm Yours)- An older friend whom I danced with had her rich daddy wrapped around her finger. She received a gold (with glittery sparkled paint) 280-ZX as a present after recovering from spinal meningitis. Another friend and I would cram in the narrow passenger's seat while she spun us around the block. We'd go to the drugstore for real cherry Cokes or to Burger King for our lunch break during dance rehearsals. One awesome night she drove us to Quincy's Steakhouse, the finest eating establishment in our town, for dinner. What bliss! This song played that night over and over. I kept hitting the "rewind" button. Believe me, I knew I was in high cotton when the built-in tape player chimed like a bell while our song was rewinding.
September- Earth Wind and Fire is my ABSOLUTE favorite band ever! I have seen them in concert more times than I can count. I love every song they sing, but in particular "September" has special meaning. When I think of this song, there is a connecting and mingling of many nights or shall I say early mornings. My sister and I weren't allowed to receive phone calls after 9:30 p.m. Normally at this time I would be upstairs in my room reading or listening to my stereo. Of course, being a typical teenager, I wasn't going to let rules get in the way of my social life! I instructed my boyfriend to call at 10:30 p.m. What? How, do you ask, was I able to do this? Simple. My parents usually went to bed at 10 o'clock on the dot. Giving them a few minutes to drift off was the first part of my game plan. At 10:20 I would pick up the phone and call "Dial A Prayer." This was a local number where at any time day or night a person could hear a prerecorded devotion and prayer. Often I would listen to this devotion 2 or 3 times before I heard the magical "beep" of call waiting. I clicked over and talked away to my heart's content but only after I dragged my beanbag and the phone into my walk-in closet. My stereo provided the low background noise my parents were accustomed to. Perfect scam!
Truly- What teenage girl in the 80's didn't listen to Lionel Richie and cry her eyeballs out? My best friends and I would pile into our sleeping bags in the middle of someone's den, listen to this song and shed tears over our crush of the moment. The tears REALLY flow if you've just been to a high school dance where you watched the love of your life dance with another girl. Oh, the anguish and sorrow! We talked into the wee hours, always reassuring one another that those "other girls" were nothing but trash.
Night Time is the Right Time- I realize this song was released way before I was born. That small detail is insignificant. All I have to type is three little words and it will all come rushing back..."The Cosby Show." Yep, you know the episode! The wedding anniversary song for Cliff's parents with the family lip-syncing and dancing. Tiny Rudy was the secret weapon singing..."Baby, baby!" Best show ever!
Burn Rubber- The upstairs of my childhood home only had three rooms and a landing. One of these rooms belonged to me and the other to my sister with the landing in the middle. Down a narrow hall was our minute bathroom where I used to drag my younger sister and scare the pee out of her, but that is another story for another time. Picture this sister sitting on her bed looking into my room across the hall. I hit "play" on my stereo and the only sound heard was a motorcycle revving up at the beginning of the song. Daf would hold onto the pretend handlebars, crank the gas and as the motorcycle in the song took off so would she like a streak of lightning across the hall into my room. I can't tell you how many times we did this all the while laughing hysterically.
I'm So Excited- Who could forget Christie Brinkley driving that red Ferrari beside Chevy Chase in the family truckster? This movie and the song above makes me smile. Not only was I seeing a rated "R" movie ( I wasn't 17.) but I was sitting with a huge group of friends and more importantly, the hottest guys in our small town.
You're the Inspiration- Remember the curtain-pulling guy from my first playlist post? This song hummed in the background while we talked and fought and played mind games with each other in "The Parking Lot." This parking lot was the main place to cruise around, park, talk and act foolish. We drove around and around and around...two lanes of pure teenage heaven. It was a place to see and be seen. Even though the Curtain Puller and I never truly had a serious relationship, we stayed in close contact until I graduated college.
We Are the World- This song reminds me of spring chorus concerts, sitting outside on warm days at lunch, selling snacks in the canteen, rolling down car windows to leave school and making plans for the weekend. If anyone would like me to imitate Bob Dylan and his part in the song, please contact my agent.
Super Freak- When my photo albums come out of storage, I will scan this particular picture to illustrate perfectly what this song means to me. Three friends and I danced to this in our school talent competition which by the way, we won second place. We tap danced in leotards and tights with ENORMOUS white, curly wigs. Super Freaks we were! I cannot believe we did it and in front of the entire student body.
Purple Rain- I thought for sure Prince would win an Oscar for his work in this film of such merit and depth. Hahaha At the end of the movie I was sobbing with my hands in the air swaying. My life was forever changed. I bought the cassette. I searched far and wide for a raspberry beret. I wanted to be Apollonia. End of discussion.
No Parking, Jungle Love and Mr. Telephone Man- My sweet boyfriend took me to the Carefree Curl Summerfest where Midnight Star, Morris Day and I think, New Edition played. (I did see them all in concert but I'm having a hard time remembering if New Edition was with the others or if they had their own show.) Picture a huge wicker fan chair in front of a tropical backdrop and hundreds of couples in cocktail attire having their photographs professionally taken. Also picture fake roses complete with light kits being sold by the thousands. Then breathe in deeply the scent of "weed" wafting from the rafters the minute the lights went out. Listen to "Slow Jam" by Midnight Star as fake roses sway back and forth in the darkness. See New Edition in full length cloaks descend from the ceiling onto the stage. It is burned in my memory.
Jam On It- This song played constantly during an entire summer at our community ballfield. Church softball was supposed to be the main event. Sadly it wasn't for us. The main attraction was the parking lot of said ballfield where all the teenagers gathered. We congregated to drink beer and be social. Many relationships started there and ended there. Many practical jokes were played there. Many friendships strengthened there. My mom would ask..."Who won?" and I seriously had to hold my lips together on more than one occasion when I almost answered..."Won what?" Whoops!
She's a Bad Mama Jama, Shackles and Call Me- These songs remind me of my best friend from high school. She would drive us around in her mom's navy blue Celica GT during lazy summer days. We'd hit the Zesto, a drive-in paradise known for their burgers and banana splits. Next we would cruise around looking for boys and we knew just where to find them. One house in our town was the hangout for a huge group of baseball-playing hotties. (I mentioned them earlier with the Pointer Sisters.) Two brothers lived there...one being my first boyfriend...but at any given time, there would be 10 to 15 guys lounging on the porch, sitting on their cars or throwing the baseball in the field across the street. My bestie and I would stop the car around the corner, rewind to our favorite songs and cruise by at 10 miles per hour with the woofers thumping. Usually we wouldn't stop but instead we'd give the half-wave...cool and mysterious!
Greatest Love Affair- Here we go again! Curtain-puller guy! This was our unofficial but official song. We did actually go out on dates. We had a great friendship. We had so much fun together. We exchanged Christmas presents. The only problem was when I was in love with him, he wasn't in love with me. Then when he loved me, I wasn't loving him. However, we did share something innocent and special and wonderful. It was the greatest love affair of them all.
Oh Sheila- I worked in my high school canteen at lunch. To get to our canteen, students had to walk outside and up to a large counter with a garage door that we rolled up to sell things and rolled down to lock up between lunches. I worked with a close guy friend and one of my best friends since kindergarten. My girlfriend's mom made a ham and cheese sandwich for her every day. She split it with me without even blinking an eye. My mom worked an hour away and left home early. If I wanted a sandwich, I had to make it. Needless to say, I never did. It felt great to be "taken care of." I won't ever forget that.
867-5409- Who didn't want to change their number and be Jenny? Well, we didn't know what "for a good time call" meant. During those crazy half-days at the end of the school year, a huge group of us would party at the lake. One of the guys in our tight-knit gang lived on the lake and owned a boat. We sunbathed on his dock, water-skied behind the boat and grilled hamburgers on his patio. We were loving life and all it's possibilities.
Time Warp and Mony Mony- This is a two part story. A friend of mine and her older brother turned me on to Midnight Movies and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." A movie where you were not only allowed but were actually encouraged to throw toast, shoot waterguns, dance and scream profanities sounded like heaven to me. And it was! I was totally hooked! Alas, another plot started taking shape. I could use the Midnight Movies as a ploy to stay out until 3 o'clock in the morning. (My regular curfew as a senior was 12:00.) My two besties and I talked over our plan. Some older college guys we knew from our area were throwing a big party and invited us. We decided to tell our parents we were going to see "TRHPS" at midnight and come home immediately after. Right! My mom even helped us pack our supplies for the movie. Oh, the lies! Try to visualize three innocent girls in the middle of Animal House and you've just about got it. We couldn't believe our good fortune...a COLLEGE PARTY WITH COLLEGE GUYS! I won't go into detail what happened because it isn't for the weak of heart. I will share; however, how we stood on the coffee table and screamed "new" words to the tune of "Mony Mony" with the rest of the drunk college coeds. We couldn't wait to graduate.
Thriller Michael Jackson
Freakshow on the Dance Floor The Barkays
Swoop (I'm Yours) Dazz Band
September Earth Wind and Fire
Truly Lionel Richie
Night Time is the Right Time Ray Charles
Burn Rubber The Gap Band
I'm So Excited The Pointer Sisters
You're the Inspiration Chicago
We Are the World Quincy Jones
Super Freak Rick James
Purple Rain Prince
No Parking on the Dance Floor Midnight Star
Jungle Love Morris Day and the Time
Mr. Telephone Man New Edition
Jam On It Newcleus
She's a Bad Mama Jama Carl Carlton
Shackles on My Feet RJ's Latest Arrival
Call Me Skyy
Greatest Love Affair Jeffrey Osborne
Oh Sheila Ready for the World
867-5309 Tommy Tutone
Time Warp The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Mony Mony Billy Idol
P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing) and Thriller- Asking me to choose a Michael Jackson song is like asking me to eat only one potato chip or french fry. It's cruel and inhuman...but I didn't want this entire playlist to be about the Michael Jackson "Thriller" album. Truthfully, it could be because I had it spinning constantly on my turntable for years. The "Thriller" video captivated our entire nation. My mom taped it on our VCR...remember those? I vividly remember "moonwalking" and imitating the Gloved One's fancy footwork. Kids at school wore gloves in his honor right along with their parachute pants. I bought earrings from the mall to show my devotion. One earring was a diamelle stud (very classy) and the other...drumroll...a white glove covered in diamelles that dangled to my shoulder. Just call me a P.Y.T!
Freakshow On the Dance Floor- My first boyfriend in high school was four years older than me. My parents loved him but in their infinite wisdom, they refused to let me go out on actual dates with him or anyone for that matter until I was 15. At the time of our "romance" I was a young 14. He was allowed to come over to hang out at our house plus he was able to drive me home from our community ballfield. BIG WHOOP! It was 500 yards from my driveway. Anyhoo...he asked me to the Barkay's concert, but of course, I couldn't go. He bought me a t-shirt. As the saying goes... My boyfriend went to the Barkay's concert and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Swoop (I'm Yours)- An older friend whom I danced with had her rich daddy wrapped around her finger. She received a gold (with glittery sparkled paint) 280-ZX as a present after recovering from spinal meningitis. Another friend and I would cram in the narrow passenger's seat while she spun us around the block. We'd go to the drugstore for real cherry Cokes or to Burger King for our lunch break during dance rehearsals. One awesome night she drove us to Quincy's Steakhouse, the finest eating establishment in our town, for dinner. What bliss! This song played that night over and over. I kept hitting the "rewind" button. Believe me, I knew I was in high cotton when the built-in tape player chimed like a bell while our song was rewinding.
September- Earth Wind and Fire is my ABSOLUTE favorite band ever! I have seen them in concert more times than I can count. I love every song they sing, but in particular "September" has special meaning. When I think of this song, there is a connecting and mingling of many nights or shall I say early mornings. My sister and I weren't allowed to receive phone calls after 9:30 p.m. Normally at this time I would be upstairs in my room reading or listening to my stereo. Of course, being a typical teenager, I wasn't going to let rules get in the way of my social life! I instructed my boyfriend to call at 10:30 p.m. What? How, do you ask, was I able to do this? Simple. My parents usually went to bed at 10 o'clock on the dot. Giving them a few minutes to drift off was the first part of my game plan. At 10:20 I would pick up the phone and call "Dial A Prayer." This was a local number where at any time day or night a person could hear a prerecorded devotion and prayer. Often I would listen to this devotion 2 or 3 times before I heard the magical "beep" of call waiting. I clicked over and talked away to my heart's content but only after I dragged my beanbag and the phone into my walk-in closet. My stereo provided the low background noise my parents were accustomed to. Perfect scam!
Truly- What teenage girl in the 80's didn't listen to Lionel Richie and cry her eyeballs out? My best friends and I would pile into our sleeping bags in the middle of someone's den, listen to this song and shed tears over our crush of the moment. The tears REALLY flow if you've just been to a high school dance where you watched the love of your life dance with another girl. Oh, the anguish and sorrow! We talked into the wee hours, always reassuring one another that those "other girls" were nothing but trash.
Night Time is the Right Time- I realize this song was released way before I was born. That small detail is insignificant. All I have to type is three little words and it will all come rushing back..."The Cosby Show." Yep, you know the episode! The wedding anniversary song for Cliff's parents with the family lip-syncing and dancing. Tiny Rudy was the secret weapon singing..."Baby, baby!" Best show ever!
Burn Rubber- The upstairs of my childhood home only had three rooms and a landing. One of these rooms belonged to me and the other to my sister with the landing in the middle. Down a narrow hall was our minute bathroom where I used to drag my younger sister and scare the pee out of her, but that is another story for another time. Picture this sister sitting on her bed looking into my room across the hall. I hit "play" on my stereo and the only sound heard was a motorcycle revving up at the beginning of the song. Daf would hold onto the pretend handlebars, crank the gas and as the motorcycle in the song took off so would she like a streak of lightning across the hall into my room. I can't tell you how many times we did this all the while laughing hysterically.
I'm So Excited- Who could forget Christie Brinkley driving that red Ferrari beside Chevy Chase in the family truckster? This movie and the song above makes me smile. Not only was I seeing a rated "R" movie ( I wasn't 17.) but I was sitting with a huge group of friends and more importantly, the hottest guys in our small town.
You're the Inspiration- Remember the curtain-pulling guy from my first playlist post? This song hummed in the background while we talked and fought and played mind games with each other in "The Parking Lot." This parking lot was the main place to cruise around, park, talk and act foolish. We drove around and around and around...two lanes of pure teenage heaven. It was a place to see and be seen. Even though the Curtain Puller and I never truly had a serious relationship, we stayed in close contact until I graduated college.
We Are the World- This song reminds me of spring chorus concerts, sitting outside on warm days at lunch, selling snacks in the canteen, rolling down car windows to leave school and making plans for the weekend. If anyone would like me to imitate Bob Dylan and his part in the song, please contact my agent.
Super Freak- When my photo albums come out of storage, I will scan this particular picture to illustrate perfectly what this song means to me. Three friends and I danced to this in our school talent competition which by the way, we won second place. We tap danced in leotards and tights with ENORMOUS white, curly wigs. Super Freaks we were! I cannot believe we did it and in front of the entire student body.
Purple Rain- I thought for sure Prince would win an Oscar for his work in this film of such merit and depth. Hahaha At the end of the movie I was sobbing with my hands in the air swaying. My life was forever changed. I bought the cassette. I searched far and wide for a raspberry beret. I wanted to be Apollonia. End of discussion.
No Parking, Jungle Love and Mr. Telephone Man- My sweet boyfriend took me to the Carefree Curl Summerfest where Midnight Star, Morris Day and I think, New Edition played. (I did see them all in concert but I'm having a hard time remembering if New Edition was with the others or if they had their own show.) Picture a huge wicker fan chair in front of a tropical backdrop and hundreds of couples in cocktail attire having their photographs professionally taken. Also picture fake roses complete with light kits being sold by the thousands. Then breathe in deeply the scent of "weed" wafting from the rafters the minute the lights went out. Listen to "Slow Jam" by Midnight Star as fake roses sway back and forth in the darkness. See New Edition in full length cloaks descend from the ceiling onto the stage. It is burned in my memory.
Jam On It- This song played constantly during an entire summer at our community ballfield. Church softball was supposed to be the main event. Sadly it wasn't for us. The main attraction was the parking lot of said ballfield where all the teenagers gathered. We congregated to drink beer and be social. Many relationships started there and ended there. Many practical jokes were played there. Many friendships strengthened there. My mom would ask..."Who won?" and I seriously had to hold my lips together on more than one occasion when I almost answered..."Won what?" Whoops!
She's a Bad Mama Jama, Shackles and Call Me- These songs remind me of my best friend from high school. She would drive us around in her mom's navy blue Celica GT during lazy summer days. We'd hit the Zesto, a drive-in paradise known for their burgers and banana splits. Next we would cruise around looking for boys and we knew just where to find them. One house in our town was the hangout for a huge group of baseball-playing hotties. (I mentioned them earlier with the Pointer Sisters.) Two brothers lived there...one being my first boyfriend...but at any given time, there would be 10 to 15 guys lounging on the porch, sitting on their cars or throwing the baseball in the field across the street. My bestie and I would stop the car around the corner, rewind to our favorite songs and cruise by at 10 miles per hour with the woofers thumping. Usually we wouldn't stop but instead we'd give the half-wave...cool and mysterious!
Greatest Love Affair- Here we go again! Curtain-puller guy! This was our unofficial but official song. We did actually go out on dates. We had a great friendship. We had so much fun together. We exchanged Christmas presents. The only problem was when I was in love with him, he wasn't in love with me. Then when he loved me, I wasn't loving him. However, we did share something innocent and special and wonderful. It was the greatest love affair of them all.
Oh Sheila- I worked in my high school canteen at lunch. To get to our canteen, students had to walk outside and up to a large counter with a garage door that we rolled up to sell things and rolled down to lock up between lunches. I worked with a close guy friend and one of my best friends since kindergarten. My girlfriend's mom made a ham and cheese sandwich for her every day. She split it with me without even blinking an eye. My mom worked an hour away and left home early. If I wanted a sandwich, I had to make it. Needless to say, I never did. It felt great to be "taken care of." I won't ever forget that.
867-5409- Who didn't want to change their number and be Jenny? Well, we didn't know what "for a good time call" meant. During those crazy half-days at the end of the school year, a huge group of us would party at the lake. One of the guys in our tight-knit gang lived on the lake and owned a boat. We sunbathed on his dock, water-skied behind the boat and grilled hamburgers on his patio. We were loving life and all it's possibilities.
Time Warp and Mony Mony- This is a two part story. A friend of mine and her older brother turned me on to Midnight Movies and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." A movie where you were not only allowed but were actually encouraged to throw toast, shoot waterguns, dance and scream profanities sounded like heaven to me. And it was! I was totally hooked! Alas, another plot started taking shape. I could use the Midnight Movies as a ploy to stay out until 3 o'clock in the morning. (My regular curfew as a senior was 12:00.) My two besties and I talked over our plan. Some older college guys we knew from our area were throwing a big party and invited us. We decided to tell our parents we were going to see "TRHPS" at midnight and come home immediately after. Right! My mom even helped us pack our supplies for the movie. Oh, the lies! Try to visualize three innocent girls in the middle of Animal House and you've just about got it. We couldn't believe our good fortune...a COLLEGE PARTY WITH COLLEGE GUYS! I won't go into detail what happened because it isn't for the weak of heart. I will share; however, how we stood on the coffee table and screamed "new" words to the tune of "Mony Mony" with the rest of the drunk college coeds. We couldn't wait to graduate.
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